breakout phase

{ November 2, 2009 @ 3:03 am } · { musings }
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Just received a really long email from Dad with regards to my upcoming work trip to the vineyards. They had really valid points about safety after all we dont really know what work we are doing, staying with a bunch of unknown people in a quite remote area PLUS they find it really dodgy the fact that we dont need to pay (its work exchange); and potential of ruining my hands haha, for future neurosurgery. :) Dad’s point is that time in life is limited and even though many things are exciting, we dont have the time to do them all. And that its important to stay on track of our life’s goal, to prioritize whats important.

Maybe I really do have a rebellious streak that seeks adrenaline and adventure, much to my mother’s chagrin. She commented last night why cant i do something civilized, why do i always pick things that make her worry. haha. I bet she wishes i take up knitting or play an instrument etc. just something less. 

Dad calls it my breakout phase haha. I think he’s right. I do feel that im at a stage where i have this need to do and try as many things as I possibly can, because i know that once work starts and responsibility starts piling in, I can never actually do things that i want to. Besides everything to me has its inherent risk. Even walking down the road can get you knocked by a car and ruin your hands forever or worse. So for me, life is short and I want to cram in as many life experiences as possible, so long as i take calculated risks, it should be okay.

i hope :)

peace, love, neurosurgery :)

{ October 29, 2009 @ 1:27 am } · { medicine, musings }
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Im tooo excited that i have to blog about this RIGHT NOW.

I was scrubbed in a subdural case with L and Mr D, which was pretty routine, and i scrubbed in just for the fun of it. Social reasons haha. But after incising the scalp, Mr D turns around to me and says “Kai do you want to have a go at this?” It took me quite a few moments to register what he said and i was like YEAH SURE! So I took over the drill from him and did the craniotomy flap. Which definitely was much more difficult than it looks. The bloody drill kept sticking because i didnt keep it upright enough, so my flap had a few jagged edges.

BUT the point is i didnt tear the dura! despite the patient being a 79 yo man with iffy meningeal layers! And Mr D gave a round of applause (haha i swear each time, it goes a little further. and deeper :) ) So i thought ok now ive done  the flap, gotta hand it back to him. And hes like no keep going with the operation! (I think i was delirious at this point)

I asked for the hook and 15-blade (its such a exhilarating feeling when the nurse slaps the instruments onto your outstretched hands. Like wow), sliced open the dura (my hands actually shook from excitement. of which i was quite embarassed about haha) before using the blunt scissors to cut the rest of the dura. Then poked the membrane layer of the blood (like bursting a zit) and sucked the bugger out. Ah it was the most beautiful beautiful thing hahahaha.

But thats not all! I even got to stitch back the dural layer and close up, and attach the subgaleal drain. OMG. This is the best feeling in the world. I know im being such a nerd, but i cant help it, theres nothing better than standing up there, and having the power and ability to do all these stuff. I seriously CANNOT wait for the day Im accepted onto the program and start neurosurgery proper.

Meanwhile, memories like these would have to hold me till then.

Ok am going off to do my presentation. L keeps stressing me out, saying its my big day and i have to be awesome and make it interesting. Hope it turns out well.

and he makes me go awww

{ October 26, 2009 @ 10:41 am } · { medicine, musings }
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Im presenting my research paper to the Neurosurgical unit meeting this thursday and this is what Mr D wrote to me

“Dear Kai,
This scrubs up very nicely. When you present, do not read out the slides. have a spoken text planned which is different to the text on the slides. Otherwise, very boring. Remember : you are presenting to friends.
do not get too nervous.”

Aww. haha he considers us friends, isnt that sweet? kp53 says i have a serious case of man-crush hahahaha. But seriously, where else would you find a doctor, a neurosurgeon no less, who is as sweet and kind and lovely as he? Im really going to miss all of them when i leave. sigh sigh sigh.

unbelievable

{ October 18, 2009 @ 10:22 am } · { musings }
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Qn: What is the worst that can happen with a sprained ankle?

Ans: You can fall off the cliff with it.

Seriously. Thats an actual answer during one of my arguments with someone whom i shouldnt name. sigh. 

Sometimes i wonder how do relationships disintegrate into such a manner.

THANK YOU MR D

{ July 15, 2009 @ 1:27 pm } · { medicine }
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I told Mr H that I would be going away for 4 weeks on a holiday, and he was literally appalled and in shock. Telling me how hard his life was as a medical student back then, they only had at most 1-2 weeks of holiday, that our (monash) system is too “ayam”  (the best translation would be slack/ useless). He said I shouldnt waste my time going on holidays and should cancel it, because our course gives us too much free time and hence we dont end up learning anything. He says there a huge gap in knowledge between us and the local (singaporean) students. And I felt really shitty after that conversation, I was even on the verge of cancelling my holiday (such a suck up huh haha. what to do, im asian.)

Then met up with Mr D today and told him about my holiday plans. AND hes so cute! he got so excited for me, asking me where im going etc and told me to have fun and enjoy myself! I was like woah, THANK YOU MR D! thank you for making me remember that there IS life beyond med, that its ok to have fun and play, that bumming off isnt a crime. The doctors here keep reminding us that we are only young once and we must have a life beyond med. Thats what i would really miss about this place. The emphasis on balance, that holidays are something that we should be entitled too and not as an afterthought. 

I really hope I wont die in Singapore next year haha.

hmmm

{ June 24, 2009 @ 2:35 pm } · { musings }
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Went to watch Wicked the musical today. I think it was good, but not great. As in the cast acted well, the singing was spot on, the lead singer was actually really good (Finally! a lead singer who doesnt annoy me with her voice) but it lacked something, there wasnt the magic i was looking for. I kept waiting for the big moment, the part where my hair stands and goosebumps come out, but didnt happen.

I think its because firstly, the story was hmm like a fantasy version of high school musical. haha. and i was in a mood, as i have been these days. I wonder if its because i know my life, as i have known it to be for the last 6 years is ending. graduation jitters hahaha So theres all this worry, tension on what the future brings, will i settle back in singapore work wise, staying with parents again etc. I mean i have a great relationship with my parents, but living with them is entirely different. Having lived apart for so long, with the independence and freedom, i really wonder how im going to fit back in. And then all the external family commitments. Sometimes i think its just so much easier being here, since I get to have my own life. Maybe thats why i now have this constant need to escape, to be alone.

Anyway, we have a month’s break before graduation, so K and I are going to housesit a vineyard, help them with grape picking and all that, in exchange for free board and food. Its a boutique winery that has rated quite highly in the Australian wine circles, especially its 05 pinot noir. so that should be fun.

And then the 3 months holiday after grad, I still havent decided what to do yet. I would like to live somewhere alone (yes the need for space again), places like nepal, piedmont. Somewhere cool and fun, but remote as well, where i dont have to entertain anyone haha, and i can be a social hermit. I was even contemplating maybe staying at a temple in korea or something. Still havent decided yet though, since my mom is very adverse to all my above ideas. So am still planning and thinking..really want it to go out with a bang, like best summer i have before i commit myself to the mercy of the healthcare system of our sunny island hahaha

funny ads

{ June 12, 2009 @ 12:33 pm } · { musings }
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these totally cracked me up :)

GO SUSAN BOYLE!!

{ May 30, 2009 @ 9:11 am } · { musings }
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omg. check out the judges faces as she sings! she is really an elaine paige equivalent..i hope she wins BGT!

back to reality

{ May 28, 2009 @ 10:24 am } · { medicine, musings }
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SIGH. after 6 weeks of being almost like a surgeon, being such a part of a team, it sure sucks to be back here where im constantly put in place of being JUST a medical student, where i cant even close up the ORTHO leg wound, and worse, get told off for taking the gauze off the scrub nurse table. I have to ask ” may i please take the gauze” bloody douche bags.

SIGH. I MISS LA. :( those were really the best 6 weeks of my medical school life… those US kids are so lucky.

and with a very heavy heart…

{ May 23, 2009 @ 5:40 pm } · { medicine }
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im 3 hours away from departing from LA, and im really feeling it…its been an incredible 3 weeks with neurosurgery, without a doubt the best three weeks of my medical school life. 

Ive learnt so much, both in terms of knowledge and skills. Its just phenomenal, back in melbourne or singapore, the most exciting procedure I got to do was a lumbar puncture. Here, i operate the mayfield,opened the scalp myself, drilled holes into the skull, put in ventricular, subdural and lumbar drains, close up the wounds. I know that all these would be just ordinary for me when im actually in neurosurgery (hopefully), but right now, im just so thrilled at doing the above. The residents are absolutely lovely too, my chief takes the time to explain the scans to me every morning, and even at 3 am during our emergency calls, they are still explaining and teaching me. And in the emergency room, I examine the patients myself and they dont double check it. Its incredible, because I felt really responsible towards the patients, as opposed to melbourne where there is always a senior who checks it, so you just fob it off sometimes. Ive also witnessed the calling of my first death, experiencing a 36 hour shift, having had patients’ family seriously break down and claw at us when we break the bad news to them. 

And its more than the medical part of it, socially speaking, the group i worked with was really great. Perhaps because we spend so much time together, we spend 85-90 hours in the hospital, eat breakfast and sometimes lunch together as a team, go out for dinners and meet up with their partners, play football whenever we can (more accurately speaking, i ATTEMPT to play) that we have really gotten quite close. Ive never felt so much a part of a team as I have here, so its really sad to leave them. 

SIGH…I really wish I could stay on longer, its really with such a heavy heart that i return to melbourne. Now everything is going to be boring, and pale in comparison to the great time Ive had here. SIGH

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